I’ve been postponing starting blogging again for more than a year now, mostly because I wanted to write in both Portuguese and English and was insecure about writing in a different language than my mother tongue.
I understand making mistakes is part of the learning curve, but for someone living abroad for 6 years now and dealing almost daily with native English speakers, it is quite impossible not to question whether my skills should be better than they are now.
Okay, but this post is not exactly about my struggles with getting back to blogging. The conversation here is a bit more serious.
A few weeks ago, I decided to go to a nightclub after ages without going. I decided to wear denim shorts and a mesh top (as you can see from the picture). It was a summer evening in London, so I wanted to take advantage of it.
To my surprise, one man thought the fact I was wearing shorts was an invitation for him to grab my bum. When I say surprise, we know it’s not true. I was taken by surprise, yes, but we know, unfortunately, those kind of situations are more common than it was supposed to be.
After seeing my outfit photo, I’m assured many men will say, “Oh you asked for it”, but what scares me the most is many women will say the same.
Even with all the information provided nowadays through the most different media channels, we still find people using a woman’s clothes as an excuse for harassment.
“The more revealing the clothes a woman wears,
the more likely it is that she will be harassed or assaulted”.
Bringing some statistics to the table, a survey shared by the Independent in 2019, showed 55% of men believe “the more revealing the clothes a woman wears, the more likely it is that she will be harassed or assaulted”.
And not only clothes, if a woman smiles at someone, is because she wants something more. Women are accused of sleeping their way to the top when promoted. Women receive unrequested kisses after winning a football match. And how dare she complain about it.
It doesn’t matter how or when the woman will always take the blame for a man’s behaviour.
But the biggest question remains: When even other women discredited a victim of sexual harassment, what can be done? What we as individuals can do to prevent more women from being assaulted?
Speak out! I know most of the time we are afraid of retaliation. If we don’t speak up, who will?
Don’t blame the victim, In many cases the victim is discredited, often leading to humiliation.
We don’t need to do extensive research to know what I’m saying is true. We have been there. We all were silenced and questioned at least once in our lives. We felt a man trying to take advantage of us in public transport, and parties. We questioned a woman who got promoted, we questioned a woman who accused a man of sexual harassment.
“…I’ve decided to not talk to security,
would be always his word against mine…”
Regarding my situation, I’ve decided to not talk to security, would be always his word against mine, and since I was back facing him, he could always say it wasn’t him. We all know how these stories end. We have seen it on TV over and over again, we heard stories. We know it all.
The man rarely pays for their actions.
